'Black Christmas (2019)' review — Slay bells ring

Black Christmas follows a group of sorority girls who come under attack just before winter break — they fight back.

Two-sentence review: Black Christmas has the subtlety of a fat man in a red suit with a beard slipping down your chimney. However, the well-directed horror sequences and spirit of the original in its DNA keep the slay bells ringing.

The 1974 Black Christmas, which director Sophia Takal’s film of the same name is based on, is one of my favorite movies of all time regardless of genre. Whether that helped me temper expectations or simply set some that are unattainable I don’t know. But to my merriment, Black Christmas is completely solid as far as remakes go. 

Moving the setting into modern day, the movie follows the last few sisters of a sorority at Hawthorne College who are left on the quiet campus before winter break. They’re “orphans” as one of the sisters jokes. At the start, we meet our protagonists as they’re preparing for a talent show at one of the college’s frats. It’s particularly painful for Riley (Imogen Poots) to attend as she was assaulted by a former member — of course, he got off without repercussion.

However, the girls — excuse me, women — have a trick up their sleeve. I won’t spoil the surprise.

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Later, the girls start receiving threatening texts — updating from the lewd phone calls in the original — that refer to some forthcoming punishment. In the meantime, sorority sisters are going missing and the campus police aren’t exactly quick to help out. So it’s up to Riley and her sisters Kris (Aleyse Shannon), Marty (Lily Donoghue), and Jesse (Brittany O’Grady) to figure it out. 

It’s refreshing that this reboot, versus the truly dreadful 2006 attempt, is that it at least tries to maintain the spirit of the original, even if it moves away from the somber tone and atmospheric scares. Stylistically it even treads cinematically close to 70s horror with glorious medium and wide shots even in intimate moments — like we’re intruding. 

Narratively, though, it diverts heavily — for better and worse. I wish we spent more time on the home invasion aspect as we do in the original. Takal knows how to direct a horror sequence. The framing and blocking of each scene builds maximum tension, so I wish we had more time to explore her talents. It’s really what holds the film together even when the screenplay goes off the rails.

The original is a feminist classic that rails against the fragility of masculinity and supports a woman’s right to choose. This version similarly sets its sights on masculinity — not all men, so calm down boys — but gets heavy-handed in its delivery. Lines like “I like beer” and “bow down, bitch” land with a thud and the antagonists are the kinds of sneering devils that you just roll your eyes at. I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless. It’s helped strongly by the fact that the movie almost preempts the criticism it’s bound to receive by saying that it knows it’s going to receive it. See? The fragility of masculinity.

Some other structural, character, and plot issues hold it back from being truly great, but to say it’s not enjoyable is just misrepresenting it. It’s a blast of a slasher with a message you can get behind.