‘Welcome Home’ review — This erotic thriller is unsatisfying

Welcome Home is nothing more than a kitschy thriller that makes for a perfect popcorn-fueled late-night hate-watch.

Welcome Home is fun enough to watch, but for all the wrong reasons. The level of the melodrama in this erotic thriller makes it objectively bad, but it edges on so bad it's good mostly thanks to the odd directing choices — the constant use of violins screeching when something dramatic happens. Sudden hazy flashbacks are stitched into moments of contemplation. Sweeping shots of the Italian countryside with no discernable reason, not even as an establishing shot. There are a lot of showers and a lot of arguments and a lot of crying. Yes, it's as bad as you imagine.

Welcome Home follows an American couple, Bryan (Aaron Paul) and Cassie (Emily Ratajowski), as they escape to the Italian countryside in an attempt to repair their ailing relationship:

“This is broken.”

“No, this broke when you let another guy's dick inside of you.”

That is an actual exchange in this movie. Of course, not everything in this retreat goes right. While on a run, Cassie is haunted by very sudden and dramatically lit images of her infidelity, which causes her to dramatically trip on a log. Injured and far from the beautiful Italian home they rented off the website “Welcome Home,” Cassie is helped by a mysterious stranger named Frederico (Riccardo Scamarcio of John Wick: Chapter Two fame) who drives her back home.

Bryan is instantly suspicious of him, especially considering the reason that the couple is in Italy in the first place. However, Cassie is welcoming to the warmness of the stranger. Of course, Frederico's intentions aren't exactly neighborly. It's quickly revealed that he has cameras set up all throughout the house and has been watching the couple's every move. Slowly, he manipulates them through various malicious (and sexy) tactics that make the movie feel like a slightly elevated Lifetime movie.

It all comes to a head when Frederico's intentions become clear, which culminates in a predictable but somewhat entertaining and hilarious ending that involves sex tapes, dramatic moaning, and a fire stoker. I'll leave it to you to guess where each comes into play.

The movie is surprisingly well-stitched together. The plot moves well across its breezy 97-minute running time. The real problem is the content. It feels like a thriller pulled straight out of the 2000s when the genre devolved from its golden age with entries like Basic Instinct, Fatal Attraction, and Double Jeopardy. Unlike any of those movies, it's hard to find any real tension in Welcome Home. It's a plot we've seen before told in an overly self-important way.  

Welcome Home benefits from having some star power in its lead roles, but its thin script, overzealous direction, and empty plot leave it as nothing more than a kitschy thriller that makes for a perfect popcorn-fueled late-night hate-watch.

Welcome Home is in theaters and on demand on November 16th.